by Laurie Israel, Esq.
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Along with the aches and pains of getting older, we elders gain a lot of wonderful things as we age. Sitting here at my computer, looking at the lovely spring weather outside, and knowing when I leave the house I’ll be enveloped in the beautiful floral fragrances in the air that exist this time of year, I am thankful for so many things that maturity brings. Here is a list of both the profound and the amusing.
1. No one cares how I look, so I don’t need to primp or go clothing shopping. We elders have gone through our young years, with concerns about our appearances, and attracting others to us. We’re now comfortable in our own skin. So what if the skin is a bit mottled or flabby. Besides that, I have always hated to go clothes shopping. Now I don’t need to buy many clothes (my 1X size doesn’t seem to change and much of my wardrobe seems indestructible, except when I paint in it), The confluence of not needing many clothes and being able to shop by the internet is quite nice. I can keep using and recycle the clothes that I have for a very long time; that feels very good environmentally.
2. I have self-confidence and don’t care what people think. I know that sounds grouchy and curmudgeonly, but it’s a nice feeling to be sure of yourself. By and large, older people have gained that feeling of confidence through a lifetime of experience. Experience helps reduce stress. It’s a feeling of incompetence (or its actuality) that produces much of our stress. When you’re an elder, you’ve had enough experience to achieve competence.
3. You’re not invested in living long, you’re invested in living well. The younger a person is, the more that person fears death. We elders, who are so near death, do not fear it. Why is that? Young people have a hoarding mentality about the days of their lives. They feel each day lived is a day lost, a day that brings them nearer to death. We elders live more in the moment, appreciative of each day, knowing that each day we lived is part of our memories and make up, and in a sense, makes us who we are. We’re relaxed about the prospect of the end of life, because we have lived.
4. We don’t sweat the little stuff. Being older gives us a value system that we’ve developed during our entire lives. We know what is important. So something doesn’t go the way we wanted or expected it to. What an adventure! We have learned that life can be unpredictable, and that sometimes, surprising things happen when we stop holding so hard to our thoughts and expectations.
So the secret is out. Getting old is not harmful or detrimental to your mental health. We elders have things to be very grateful for, that young people do not yet have.
Copyright ©2009 Laurie Israel.
on both prenuptial and postnuptial agreements. She works as a consultant and mediator
nationwide. She previously practiced for 35 years in the areas of tax law, divorce, collaborative
law, estate planning, probate of estates and trust administration, as well as mediation and, in
Massachusetts, providing counsel for couples entering into prenuptial agreements. Laurie is
one of the initial practitioners and developers of the field of marital mediation, the practice of
using mediation to help couples solve marital problems and improve their marriages. Laurie is a former board member of the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation and the
Massachusetts Collaborative Law Council. Her writings include articles on divorce, mediation,
marital mediation, and prenuptial agreements. You can find her articles on www.ivkdlaw.com,
Huffington Post, and Mediate.com. She is the author of the book “The Generous Prenup: How
to Support Your Marriage and Avoid the Pitfalls,” available on Amazon. Laurie is frequently
called upon by attorneys and mediators to share her expertise, through giving both formal and
informal presentations, on the subject of prenuptial agreements all across the country. You can
contact Laurie at laurie@laurieisrael.com. Her website is www.laurieisrael.com.